My mom told me that if she had written down all the crazy things I said and did during my childhood, she could’ve written a book and made a fortune. I am not planning on making a fortune, but I will learn from her mistake and write as much as I can.
My 4-year-old, Benny, is hilarious. We were sitting around eating chicken
soup on Sunday night, Emily to my left and Benjamin to my right. Suddenly Benny
disappears while I’m chatting with Emily. Then Katie puts her foot up on his
chair just to spread out and get comfortable, “EEEEEEW GROSS, WHAT IS
THAT WET STUFF?” she screeches.
“I don’t know, it looks like water maybe?” as I scan the
kitchen for a rag.
A few minutes later Benny walks in the kitchen naked.
“Benny, what are you doing in here naked?” I asked, when it
dawned on me….He peed his pants on the
chair, left a puddle there, was embarrassed and wet and that’s why he left the
table….Duh!
“Benny what’s that wet stuff on your chair?” I asked.
“I don’t know” he said.
“Are you sure? Maybe it’s soup; did you spill some of your
soup?” I asked.
He shrugs his shoulders.
“Did you wet your pants Benny?” I asked.
“NO!” he assured me.
“Gosh, I wonder what that wet stuff is, I think you spilled
soup, I think I’ll taste it, I’ll just lick the chair here and taste it, then
I’ll find out what the wet stuff is.”
“DON ’T DO IT MOM!” Katie
shouts.
“You’re gross mom, you shouldn’t do it,” my pre-teen, Emily calmly states.
I bend down and pretend as though I’m about to lick the “liquid
wet stuff” on the chair and when my mouth gets about two inches from the chair,
Benny thrushes his “stop”--in the name of love--hand between my mouth and his urine and yells “NO!!!! DON ’T
DO IT MOM!”
Yes, my 4-year-old had the gall to stop me. He does love me
and he passed the character test today.
Emily and Katie go on to tell me how gross I am that I was
about to taste Benny’s pee. I guess I’m more convincing than I thought.
